i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
