You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize