It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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