so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
