I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize