Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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