So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
