Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
