She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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