i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
