everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
