went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you never un-have a 4some
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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