the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
