I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
