Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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