shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
