I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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