Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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