i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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