I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
