I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
