Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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