How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
