I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
