Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
