i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
