Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
