I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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