The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
