Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
