My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
