so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
