My hair reeks of homosexuality.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
