I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
