He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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