I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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