Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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