i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
