Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
