please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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