She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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