Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
