Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
