We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
