he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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