1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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