Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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