I want to have your abortion
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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