Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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