well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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