Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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