Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
