Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
