yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
