I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
