Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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