i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
