if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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