she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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