No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
