well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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