he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
