Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
