Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
