how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
