I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
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Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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