Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
