I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
