And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
