Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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