i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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