why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
