But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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