Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
