There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
